Ranking the Premier League, 20th - 11th

The principal Premiership clubs, and most of the other teams that bounce back and forth between the Championship and Premiership, are bound by duty and tradition to wear their proper colors. As a neutral fan, it does not get me very excited, aesthetically speaking, to see the red of Man U or the blue of Chelsea; in fact, I find it rather dull. Same goes for most of the other clubs that spice up their blues and reds with some white—or stripes. Newcastle and Sunderland are a few of the well known stripy teams. Good for them, but still, it’s dull.

Within the narrow confines of all these reds, blues, blacks and white colors here is part one of a uniform review of all the Premiership clubs, in reverse order: 20-11.

Derby County

19. Bolton Wanderers have kits made by Reebok, play in the Reebok, and have the Reebok logo on their chests as the primary sponsors. The entire thing sounds like it was conjured up by a 16 year-old. Boring white home shirts with red trim, boring black away shirts with blue trim. The little BW team logo is dull, and the semi-futuristic Rebook logo is mildly interesting. But honestly—how weak is this kit? They need a silver unicorn or an angry badger running across the pitch to spice it up because they’ve got nothing compelling going on in the uniform department. Green socks maybe.

18. Birmingham City bring us a kit from Umbro and it’s a blue and white striped combo. Thank goodness Umbro has the little diamonds on the shoulders and a bit of gray and white trim because, much like the team’s current poor standing in the league, the home and away kits pack a rather tepid one-two punch. White chest and blue sides for home, white and white for the away kit with a bit of blue and gray trim. Just flat-out boring. The crest with some banners around the earth on top of a football seems rather ambitious. Their sponsor, F&C Investments has a nice big logo eating up a big chunk of the front of the uniform.

17. Tottenham Hotspur bring us a kit from Puma. They get props for simplicity I suppose: white with black letters and not much else- no piping of a different color. Not a fan of the v neck. In a similar manner their away kits are all a simple dark blue. Their crest , a cockerel (wearing fighting spurs) on top of a football is also very simple. Another online gambling site, Mansion, has a nice gothic “M” insignia. It is interesting that the sponsor’s logo is the most interesting and dynamic thing on the simple jersey. Is it good or bad? Probably good for Mansion.

Chelsea

15. Wigan Athletic. Umbro is apparently the sponsor king of all mid-table Premiership clubs. A typical blue and white in thick vertical stripes. Away kit shirt is nearly all-white with a bit of blue Umbro diamonds on the shoulders. One of the more elaborate team crests . Lions, birds, helmets, castles shields and banners. Might be the coolest one on the ‘elaborate’ scale—and that is a sincere compliment. JJB sponsors the kits, and like Bolton Wanderers they also play in a stadium named after the sponsor. Makes things easy to remember. Cool crest, but their kits are not too inspiring.

Middlesbrough

13. Everton. Here again is all royal blue; Umbro brings us these kits. All of Umbro’s 2007/2008 kits, including England’s national side, seem to have the Umbro diamond pattern quasi epilates the top of the shoulders. There are also side panels that look like a Zebra pattern until one looks more closely and sees that the pattern is really multiple Umbro diamonds. The crest of Everton with the little tower is fair, but nothing to write home about. I must say I do like Chang beer sponsor’s logo with the two Thai elephants. Not that I like Chang beer that much. It’s okay.

Manchester City

11. Man U. Made by Nike. Well known red jersey of last year’s champs. There is a nice subtle set of sublimated vertical red lines. A neat partial white stripe on the back interrupted by the back number area and a little black devil on the top of the white stripe in back…but all in all, it’s a red jersey. Shorts are white. Their Away jersey is black this year, with a red stripe on the back with the same designs as the white stripe of the home kit. Black is always intimidating, but over all it’s still pretty simple. AIG, who are their sponsors for the next few seasons, have a rather dull and uninspiring logo. I’m not impressed by the design of their crest either. This is not to say that I don’t respect the crest. I have the same reaction that I do to Man U’s American sports partners, the New York Yankees: I can’t stand the NY logo, but I totally respect and understand the weight and power of it.

Next time? The remaining ten!

Kit Aesthetics is a column by Chris Ketcham about football uniforms - the good, the bad and the (very) ugly. He can be reached at  chris.ketcham@gmail.com.